Legion is the first expansion in which I’ve pushed myself to play at a higher level than I ever have. This is thanks mostly to joining a guild that was founded on the principle of being open, helpful and accepting of all play styles and capabilities. But for a long time, WoW was just me and and a couple other running about in the darkness, shying away from those just beyond the light of our amusement, for fear we’d be gobbled up by those in the core of the community that would deem us not worthy. Overall, even while I’m safely ensconced in the the little group of people I now play with, I know there is a shitstorm of community out there, doing its best to impose some sort of weird caste system on our game. It disheartens me, but also gets me thinking.
Right now, Denaise is pushing 930 ilvl (sure not bleeding edge score, but still). I’m also pretty close to H Tos 9/9. I’m not about to call myself the best player in Wow. And I’m not about to claim I deserve any special treatment. But, even while I’m not running through mythic, I know and understand my own capabilities quite well. I know that I’ve watched a million videos on ToS on Heroic difficulty, I’ve read notes people have posted, I have researched bugs and strats, and I have pushed myself to gain the best understanding of fights I will have to learn to call in real time. I recognize that my raid leading comes from a place of theory. And that’s simply because until I got my KJ AotC recently, no one was going to pick me up for a pug Heroic. Because our game is filled with people who think they quite simply can’t be bothered with people they feel must be inferior. Even while I was trying to pug a normal ToS on a 911 alt the other day, I got denied because I didn’t have a “high enough” item level. And, I know that I’m not the only one who has observed this problem. We all know it’s a problem. But what really gets my own personal goat and makes it so much worse for me is the fact that when I do finally get into pugs, I know the fights better than 2/3’s of the people in there, simply because I have to know them that well. But I have no way of providing proof without being picked up to go.
So really, what is the truth behind the denials that are so swift in coming to us as we try to pug in LFG? I’ll tell it to you flat out: it’s not really about wanting to push through a quick run for AP, it’s about the power and thrill that comes with deeming yourself better than another even while, in all likelihood this is not the case. The power of being able to deny some one something they deserve and have worked for so hard and maybe just haven’t had the resources or time to get into their clutches yet…. that must be some sick kind of cocaine for people. It’s frustrating. And, the thing of it is that I’m not all that bad off myself. I have the strings to get through the content I want to see, but it’s my own choice to not pull them. If I have, it’s only because I’ve felt I’m at a point where I need to see something in order to help others.
And I feel the need to help when I can because of the fact I might be a little bit better off in terms of what I have access to in game. I don’t take for granted how lucky I am that I’ve found a safe place to flourish while so much of the community seems to be eating itself, still, in a sort of jealousy-fueled fury. Thing is about humans? We only get what we give. That is… some of the harshest or sweetest reality depending on how you choose to exist. When Chazz and I run pugs, we don’t much worry about “quick” runs or demonstrated skill. Item level means literally nothing anymore (seriously, take it from a Spriest who has at least three pieces 935 gear in her bags but can’t use them because she’ll lose haste…. ha ha ha ahadjfklaskdfjdkadlfkajfksdlafkdjf WHYYYYY). What I’m trying to say is, people tend to do better in the long run when you’re open to letting them make mistakes, or willing to let them try a harder thing they never thought they’d becapable of. If some one did their first ToS pug with me and learned something, or saw that they could actually do the content without being denied outright? That’s one more person who might be empowered to keep pushing themselves. I know it worked for me.
Alternatively, destroying the confidence of fellow players, or being vicious and snotty goes on to create more little monsters who enjoy headgames and can’t wait to pay the negativity forward. If you’re one of those people who have screamed at some one after being removed from a group, you’re part of the problem here. You’ve been treated one way, and now you think it’s acceptable. Or maybe you just want to lash out. Or maybe you think that pushing your weight around will gain you some kind of terrified respect. Quite the opposite. You’re in a pug. None of us care about what you think of us or yourself. We’re there, just like you, to push through, get our stuff and learn, maybe, even. Don’t make it any harder than it has to be.
Denial is a potent factor in WoW. It can sometimes fuck up your whole day in game. If it’s happened to you (and it probably has), I’m truly sorry. But there are those of us out there who just want to have fun, get some loot and push ourselves in a disciplined way without having to resort to cussing some one out. You can always find me at Denaise-Cenarius. I’m about as chill as it gets, and I’ll never deny you time of day depending on the energy you put out.
I guess my overall point here is that I had planned on talking about Pirate Day in game in my post today and how much fun I had, but instead my mind is playing tricks on me. And I just want anyone who reads this to know that sometimes things don’t go as you planned, and sometimes your efforts feel futile, and sometimes you just plain suck the fun out of your own life in one way or another. But that doesn’t make you any less important. And it doesn’t make you any of the horrible things you might try to convince yourself you are. So, don’t feel bad that you maybe didn’t make it to your own Pirate Day, because wether or not you believe it in that space of time, you ended up making a difference somewhere else.
Denaise and I had humble beginnings as character and player, only entering game in the twilight of Mists of Pandaria. She and I were further hindered by real life anxieties that threatened to crush my mind and destroy my will faster than any Mind Blast or Mind Flay my little Pandaren Shadow Priest could deal her enemy.
It wasn’t until the dead of winter, with Nighthold about halfway done, that I suddenly realized my game chat was filled with more whispers than trade chat. Whispers from people asking me for everything and anything. Could I help with this or that mythic? Could I tell them where to find such and such? When would the next event be? What was the item level required for the learning raids? Could I help them learn Shadow Priest? Could we have an earlier learning raid? Could we talk about this thing that happened at work today that upset them? It was to the point where I almost needed a secretary, and in a way, a lot of the time, Chazz became that.
It’s been at times the most exhausting and frustrating journey (that has also been productive) that I’ve had in ages. Sometimes, now that I have a new job, with a much lower key level of stress, I feel like my real job exists in Azeroth helping to run our now stable and solid guild. Everyone likes to roll their eyes and laugh about a person who would put “guild master” or “raid lead” on their resume as hobbies or even leadership experience. But let me tell you, being in charge of some one’s leisure time tends to be just as stressful as telling my work study student to put a laptop up to charge for the twenty-seventh time in a day.
In so many ways, the Legion expansion is about our characters coming into their own and learning to lead in a focused and productive way. Furthermore, it is about learning to trust your instincts and your gut feelings when it comes to what is right. It’s a hard path to walk, and there are many who will jeer at you from the sidelines as you pass by.
Denaise SunChaser 